O’Donnell’s Not a Witch–She’s Me!

With an announcement surely hailed by witches everywhere, Delaware’s Republican senatorial candidate, Christine O’Donnell, declared yesterday in a television commercial, “I’m not a witch.”

Understandably, that dramatic pronouncement made headlines from coast to coast, as O’Donnell attempted not merely to quell the hubbub over her prior dabbling, but also, presumably, to stave off an investigation by Salem prosecutors.

Lost in all the publicity, however, was O’Donnell’s more shocking declaration, in the same commercial, that she’s actually a left-leaning progressive who, among other things, views trickle-down economics as a societal evil, supports a woman’s right to choose, endorses gay marriage and the repeal of don’t-ask-don’t-tell, accepts the science behind evolution and man-made climate change, and understands the paramount importance of the separation between church and state.

What?  You didn’t hear her say all that?  Go back and watch the commercial again.  She actually says it twice–once toward the beginning of the ad, and once again at the very end.  Earnestly–humbly–sincerely–unabashedly–she focuses her eyes like a laser beam on mine and twice confesses:  “I’m you.”

Which also means she’s lightened up a bit on the whole anti-masturbation thing.

Phew!

~~Kenn Shapiro