In Wake of Shootings, CNN to Launch New Network

Image by Josep Monter Martinez from Pixabay

[This piece is written as cultural commentary. None of it is true. Yet.]

Bowing to the lamentable but undeniable frequency of mass shootings across the United States, but mindful that the coverage of those shootings necessarily impacts and often excludes coverage of other concurrent, important news and events, CNN today announced the imminent launch of an adjunct network: CNN-Shooting (CNN-S).

CNN-S will provide 24-hour, real-time coverage of all mass shootings, freeing parent-network CNN to continue, on a relatively uninterrupted basis, its regular coverage of all other news stories.

The operational plan, according to CNN programing director Don Chubaleevit, is for CNN to break the news of any fresh mass shooting, then immediately hand the story off to the new network, informing CNN viewers that all additional coverage will be accessible at CNN-S.

“It’s unfortunate in the extreme,” Chubaleevit explained, “but with mass shootings now a part of everyday life in the US, we will, regrettably, have more than enough programing to fill CNN-S with around-the-clock content, while allowing CNN to focus on the myriad of other important stories occurring at the same time.”

Chubaleevit cited the war in Ukraine, the January 6 hearings, recent Supreme Court decisions, the resurgence of COVID, and the precarious state of the economy as just some of the many current stories getting shorted in the frenzy of mass shooting coverage.

“The nature of news in general is such that no full-service news network should devote itself to just one story for hours and hours unless the story is of major historic significance,” he said.

“Mass shootings are important, tragic stories,” he continued, “but they’ve become so commonplace that we can no longer justify surrendering the entire network every time one occurs. With CNN-S, we can give full and complete coverage to every shooting, while maintaining our regular news presence at the main network.”

While the actual on-air date for the new network has not been finalized, Chubaleevit anticipates a start before the end of the year. “The precise date is unimportant,” he said. “Sadly, there’s always a shooting to cover. Once we select the start date, we’ll just commence the CNN-S live programing with whatever shooting or shootings have just then occurred.”

~~Kenn Shapiro

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