When a Pair Becomes a Royal Flush

The secret is out–and Buckingham Palace is livid!

Photographic evidence has now confirmed what many have heretofore suspected:  Kate Middleton–the Duchess of Cambridge, wife of Prince William, and likely future Queen of England–does, in fact, have nipples.  Two of them, to be precise.  And the royal family is fuming over the disclosure.

Well, pardon me for what may appear to be insensitivity, but to paraphrase perhaps earth’s most famous Briton, methinks the royal family doth protest too much.

While I offer no opinion on the privacy laws of France (where the pictures were taken) or England (where the Duchess of Cambridge resides), nevertheless, as an inhabitant of the 21st century, I (as with every other land-based sentient life form on this planet) am aware of one of the most inescapable, like-it-or-not realities of life in the digital age, which is this:  Male or female, if you are famous, attractive, outdoors, and in any state of undress, someone will take pictures of you.  This is especially true if, at any time within the past five years, you’ve invited three billion television viewers to witness your wedding nuptials.

Still, while knowledge concerning the number (two) and placement (upper chest area) of Ms. Middleton’s mammary anatomy is now within the public domain, Palace gatekeepers can take solace in knowing that, thanks to the placement of two concealing hands in the photo taken last month during a Las Vegas romp, the number of testicles possessed by Prince Harry remains, for now, a mystery.

~~Kenn Shapiro